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Poster Child for a Wasted Youth

by Detour North

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1.
Maybe I’m just overreacting, but I can’t help being frustrated with every night I spend alone and wait for you to just get home. Maybe I’m an angry kid, but it’s really not so bad to spend another night in disappointment for your enjoyment. Make one correction. These aren’t just stupid rants. ‘Cause I faced rejection. And took it like a champ. Now I don’t know why I’m on my way to the hospital when I finally feel okay. Don’t tell me what comes next. Just kiss my heart and break my neck. ‘Cause I don’t even know why I’m upset. So I’ll spend another night just being strangled by my bedsheets, and crashing at four in the morning. And waking up with my headphones wrapped around my neck like some sick analogy for all my bad dreams. Yeah, something tells me I won’t sleep well tonight. Sometimes I hope I’m right. I know that the last time around, we agreed this was a boring town. Believe me, I’ve been here through so much shit. Just fourteen when I wrote “Quit Doggin’ It”. And I know I said that it “never seemed so hard”. Beat down, cut up, and bruised,and scarred. But I know, that despite all of this, I still managed to grow up a little bit. So cut my throat and leave me dying. Break all my bones, ‘cause I’m sick of trying. And launch me off of a catapult. ‘Cause I can’t deny this is my own fault.
2.
I'm just a short attention span with a grudge and a pen. How can you blame me for writing my heart out? I'm just a tired, angry kid with a voice and a big mouth, And you know, all those songs, you deserved them. So don't pin this on me Because I'm not sorry No, don't pin this on me Because I'm not sorry Oh god, I hate you more than vampire chick flicks, Which makes sense, 'cause you both suck equally as much di... ...stinguishing yourself from everyone else is cute. But I know the real you. I hope you end up alone with my voice still ringing in your brain, like white noise and I hope the shock from our last kiss is still flowing through your veins. Like a poison. Because... I know that you want to see me torn in two. And I can't believe that you once meant so much to me SO FUCK YOU!!! And I find myself wishing that you drink yourself into a dream where you can't feel anything, where you can't feel anything.
3.
Last night I thought about the shit we’ve been through and I kept asking myself, “what the hell happened to you?” You have to admit that it’s kind of messed up; You judge everyone based solely on what’s in their cup. You said that you were through, you lied about that too. This time has been almost as wasted as you. And I’m feeling content though I’m cold with contempt. You only wanna’ be friends when you’re broken and bent. If you ever call me up sober, it’s only to vent. I’ve been a mess since you left. We both knew this would never end well, but I continued writing songs and even deeper I fell. ‘Cause I’m a cynic and I’m bitter, yeah well how could you tell? But don’t pretend you really know me ‘cause there’s no way in hell. Because now, I’m stuck between a rock and hard place. And you’re stuck between a heart and saving face. Oh, you’re at another party. Careful not to blink. Someone might slip anthrax in your drink. I said that I was through, I lied about that too. My youth has been almost as wasted as you. And I’m feeling content though I’m cold with contempt. You only wanna’ be friends when you’re broken and bent. If you ever call me up sober, it’s only to vent. I’ve been a mess since you left. How can you bear to look at yourself and realize that you’ve become somebody else? How can you bear to hold my hand and know that you’ve been letting other guys in your pants? All of my secrets, I locked in your basement. Then blasted your speakers so you had to face it. How about all of those lies? Did he taste it? I hope they infect him. I hope it’s contagious.
4.
Postcards 03:20
We’re growing up. And we can’t stop this. And all I hear is the voice of Hoppus singing “Going Away To College”. And if I’m being honest, I’m a little bit upset that we never even got to go on tour before we left. I packed my guts into this suitcase with just a handful of extra picks and a little bit of toothpaste, because that’s all I’ll need when I’m halfway across the country. It’s time to leave, but can I come back in a month please? Maybe I should keep my head up. Maybe this isn’t a bad thing. Maybe I’ll just sort of disappear and everyone will forget me. I keep telling myself that leaving your friends behind is normal. But if there’s sixteen-thousand kids on campus, then why do I feel so alone? How’s Chicago doing? Is she better? Does she miss me? I’m a thousand miles away. It’s like a part of me is missing. Is she getting all my postcards? Is she even fucking listening? I would kill to spend just one more night on the pier over Lake Michigan. But, hey. I’m a thousand miles away. And shit never looked so gray. I’m a thousand miles away. But I’ll be back again someday. I’ll be home in a few days.
5.
One thing that always bothered me was the way that watching TV always made me feel like the world was ending. But the past year seems to have defined who I’ve become and who I never was or could be. So fill your lungs with clouds of smoke and I can guarantee I still have sleepier eyes. Bring it on, paranoia. ‘Cause at least I know I’m ready for you. This is as honest as it gets, Friends don’t get more “Real” than this. So listen up, babe. ‘Cause I’m sick of your arrogance. I have learned to swallow my words because eating them later is just not nearly as good. And I know now what it’s like to just feel alone. And scared. I like to tell myself that nothing’s wrong, when I know I won’t sleep well tonight. ‘Cause I’m losing my mind, and I’m melting inside, ‘cause you’re wasting my time. So. Just. Go. ‘Cause I can’t stand your voice anymore. And I can’t understand what it’s like for one day to just feel alright. You feel alright. I feel like: Part of me wishes the world would have ended in 2012. Part of me wishes that everything went up in flames.

credits

released January 5, 2015

All songs written and performed by Detour North.
Engineered, Mixed, and Mastered by Roye Robley at RR Studios, Hammond, IN

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